If international relations were like a John Hughes movie

Posted By Daniel W. Drezner Friday, August 7, 2009 - 2:13 PM Share

CLOSING SCENE OF "THE SECURITY COUNCIL CLUB":

INT. SECURITY COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY -- we see the U.N. SECRETARY-GENERAL enter the Security Council room and pick up an essay.

CHINA (voice-over)

Dear Mr. Secretary-General, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in Security Council session for whatever international problem that we failed to address. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care?

You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions.

But what we found out is that each one of us is an economic engine...

UNITED STATES (voice-over)
...and a military power...

RUSSIA (voice-over)
...and a basket case...

EUROPEAN UNION (voice-over)
...and a princess...

  IRAN (voice-over)
  ...and a rogue state...

CHINA (voice-over)
     Does that answer your question?
       Sincerely yours, the Security Council Club.

     We see SUSAN RICE walking across the football field
     as she thrusts her fist into the air in a silent cheer
     and freezes there.