Dumbest... remake... well, not ever, but since the beginning of this decade

Posted By Daniel W. Drezner Wednesday, August 12, 2009 - 4:01 PM Share

Children of the 1980's have suffered a series of body blows this summer -- the death of Michael Jackson, the death of John Hughes, etc. Well, now it appears we will have to suffer another indignity. MGM recently announced that they remaking Red Dawn (this week they announced their casting choices), a staple of basic cable outlets for twenty years -- and one of the most unintentionally campy movies ever made.

For the uninitiated, the movie depicts a Russian/Cuban/Nicaraguan invasion of the United States, and the fierce resistance put up by a band of high schoolers. As one of FP's movie geeks, I love this movie almost as much as I love Starship Troopers. Harry Dean Stanton shouting "Avenge me!!"; Lea Thompson and C. Thomas Howell acting all tough; Patrick Swayze shouting "because we live here!" as the justification for killing Russians; Powers Boothe's scenery-chewing; the Cuban occupiers subduing the population by accessing gun registration forms -- it's all good. Wolverines!!!!!

Now, this movie -- the first one rated PG-13, by the way -- was pretty absurd even by Reagan-era standards. Which brings one to an interesting question -- why remake it now? The commissioned screenwriter has provided the following justification:

Similar to the way the original played off Cold War fears in the 1980s, [writer Carl] Ellsworth says the remake will play off of current fears related to post-9/11 terrorism. ''As Red Dawn scared the heck out of people in 1984, we feel that the world is kind of already filled with a lot of paranoia and unease, so why not scare the hell out of people again?''

Well, sure, except that this makes no f***ing sense. Post-9/11 terror scares Americans because of the prospect that an attack could take place at any moment. The one thing actors like Al Qaeda can't do terribly well is secure and hold territory -- which is exactly what the Russians were ostensibly trying to do in Red Dawn. I fact, in the original movie, it's the Wolverines who act a bit like terrorists, bombing Russian installations and such. So I can't see how Red Dawn is a usable template for talking about post-9/11 terrorism concerns.

This isn't as bad an idea as remaking Hogan's Heroes -- but it's pretty close.

EXPLORE:CULTURE, MOVIES, SOFT POWER

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ABROTHERK

10:47 AM ET

August 13, 2009

IED

One interesting thing about Red Dawn is its use of an "Improvised Explosive Device," when one of the guys (I forget which one) places an explosive under the head of his dying girlfriend (Lea Thompson, I think), set to go off when one of the Russkies discover her body.

It's interesting that as a red-meat patriotic movie, this scene implicitly claims that such tactics are justified when one's country is under attack. I suspect that most movie viewers cheer on the vigorous defense of the USA championed in the film; but that few of them recognize that our own 'enemies' see their attacks on US soldiers in much the same way.

COOL_CONS

2:17 PM ET

August 13, 2009

It's simple: crazy-scary

It's simple: crazy-scary terrorists take over High-School in flyover country and hold hostages. Rag tag group of patriotic teenagers kill terrorists. Much flag waving, one-liners, and dead terrorists. I'd see that.

JACOB BLUES

2:33 PM ET

August 13, 2009

IED clarification

abrotherk - She asked for the boyfriend to pull the pin on a grenade that she held in her hand. Then, when the Russian troops rolled her over, it fell out and went 'boom'.

J Thomas, the only problem with your screenplay is that you lose the lines of dialogue from the original movie

"...So who's on our side?"
"600 million screamin Chinamen"
"Last I heard, there were a billion screaming Chinamen.
"
"There *were*."

Have to agree though, this is about as dumb a remake as one can make.

GREGPASQ

4:10 PM ET

August 13, 2009

IEDs and booby traps are not the same thing

abrotherk,

You are confusing IEDs and booby traps. In the movie, that was a grenade that he gave to her. It functioned the way it was intended, so there was no IED element to it. He basically booby-trapped her body...something done quite frequently by guerillas in Vietnam.

cool_cons,

What would terrorists have to gain by capturing a high school in same podunk Midwest town? Hell, some places would let them have it.....

WALKING WOUNDED

1:00 AM ET

August 14, 2009

Already been done...

as reality TV. Did you miss

'Green Dawn', staged in Anbar. More dangerous than X-Games. Smash hit on the international arabic networks, where for some odd reason the audiences identified with the people that dressed like them.
or
'Usama's Heroes', th niche market cult classic staged at Camp Cropper? Boy, you really didn't want to get voted off that one!

The episode where the Pakistani double-dealer sold Big Brother the wrong prisoners, and got immunity too, was hilarious. The water-wipeout excerpts went viral, got hundreds of hits in the hideaway VP mansion. (I hear there is an Iranian spin-off now.)

Who can forget the memorable redux of "I see naaaawthing!!!''

There's irony that unflagging Red State support for Team Bush's disastrous occupation and interrogation policies is regionally coincident with the resistance heroes of the War of Northern Aggression. But not as much irony as the '24' production unit 'going green'.

SAM ROGGEVEEN

11:43 PM ET

August 13, 2009

Reuters says China will be the enemy

Which is a rather interesting commercial judgment by the producers:

http://www.lowyinterpreter.org/post/2009/08/14/Another-Red-Dawn.aspx

WALKING WOUNDED

1:09 AM ET

August 14, 2009

The funny thing about 'Yellow Dawn'

is that the USN has gone so far into debt with 'Formosa 2020' development costs and pre-production delays that the Chinese exec. producers will own the rights by the time it's ready for shooting.

The accountants really run the biz. War is an industry that just happens to be an art form.

BGR

1:04 AM ET

August 14, 2009

The 80s Movie that SHOULD be remade is . . .

You should all be ashamed of either your lack of 80s movie awareness or your lack of creativity.

The jingoistic 80s movie that could, nay, SHOULD be remade is "Invasion America," the Chuck Norris vehicle in which a terrorist army invades America through South Florida and conducts random, DC-sniper/Mumbai like attacks throughout the Southeast until Chuck lures them into a trap and gives them what they have coming.

(What exactly the terrorists' grievances are, or why they are unable to take a shower during their entire time in America is never explained).

This plot, sadly, is relatively plausible, and Norris could make an appearance either recreating Lee Marvin's role in "Delta Force" (because there are numerous senior citizens in Delta), or better, as President!

Now THAT would be some great camp updated for the post-9/11 generation.

WALKING WOUNDED

1:32 AM ET

August 14, 2009

The remakes of historical significance are...

3 versions of King Kong. Two of them featuring the WTC. The original was probably the single most watched movie in the moslem world, until the Beverly Hillbillies updated Fay Wray's evil seduction of the righteous Kong with Ellie May's wanton sexuality.

Talk about underdag over-identification. Tell me the rage of the video Kongs didn't scream for release back onto the big screen, when the Beruit transit barracks went down.

Joseph Campbell would understand.

DANIEL W. DREZNER

2:52 AM ET

August 14, 2009

The actual title is...

Invasion U.S.A.

BGR

12:45 PM ET

August 14, 2009

I Stand Corrected and Ashamed

You are absolutely correct.

And given that I chastised everybody else (tongue firmly in cheek, of course) for insufficient 80's movie trivia expertise, I will now go sit in a corner and hang my head in shame.

(The rest of my points regarding the similarity of the attacks in INVASION USA and the Mumbai attacks remains valid, however).

GRANT

7:58 AM ET

August 14, 2009

I have heard that it might

I have heard that it might feature the Chinese instead of the Russians, not that this makes it any better. To be honest I generally despise this type of movie based on the plot alone, they're generally too black and white to justify as anything except for a patriotic money making venture.

CREOLECOWBOY

1:56 PM ET

August 14, 2009

Springfield USA

Only slightly related, but does anyone remember a 1950s radio show called "Springfield USA?" I listened to it on radio on the Armed Forces Network in Germany in the late 50s and early 60s. It posited a Russian takeover (I missed how this was accomplished) of the US and the establishment of parallel institutions (Young Pioneers as the alternative to Boy/Girl Scouts, for instance). Resistance was difficult, but applauded, naturally, in the scripts.

KXB

2:40 PM ET

August 14, 2009

Yeah, they're Chinese

Is it really a good idea to insult one's bankers?

GRANT

6:20 AM ET

August 26, 2009

Not really

No, but that had only a minor ability to protect the Jews for centuries.