-
The Cable
Rand Paul: You’re Arming al Qaeda’s Allies
-
War of Ideas
No, 3-D Printing Won’t End Hunger
-
Passport
Why Does the U.S. Get All the Tornadoes?
Posted By Daniel W. Drezner
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 - 5:57 AM
Share
As both the unrest and crackdown in Syria continue to get worse, Russia has steadfastly stood by the side of the Assad regime. Matters are coming to a head in Turtle Bay, however, as James Blitz and Roula Khalaf and Charles Clover report for the Financial Times:
Britain, France and the US will be making their most forceful push yet for a political transition in Syria at the UN Security Council this week, lending support to an Arab plan that they hope will overcome Russian opposition....
Paris and London said on Monday that they had the support of 10 out 15 Security Council members, which would mean a resolution can be put to a vote. But it remains unclear how Russia, which last year vetoed a much milder resolution, will vote....
French and British diplomats argue that Russia can no longer block a UN resolution. “We’re trying to convince the Russians that they can’t stay in their posture of opposition to a resolution while there is this much killing on the ground,” said a French official.
The State Department said Hillary Clinton had been trying to call Sergei Lavrov, Russian foreign minister, for the past 24 hours to discuss Syria, but he had been “unavailable.” The Syrian regime in recent days had “just let loose in horrific ways against innocents," said Victoria Nuland, spokeswoman for the State Department (emphasis added).
This is a serious humanitarian crisis and a brewing confrontation between permanent members U.N. Security Council…and yet, there's something I find very amusing about Lavrov's efforts to duck Clinton's calls. In the old days of the 20th century, one could imagine this kind of lying low gambit being easier to pull this off. Not any more.
Still, in honor of Lavrov's efforts to play hide and seek, your humble blogger suggests a contest for readers: Proffer your own version of Lavrov's outgoing voicemail message. If you're Lavrov, representing the interests of the Russian Federation, what would you want Hillary Clinton to listen to as she tried to reach you? Could the outgoing message itself constitute part of Lavrov's pushback?
To get the ball rolling, here's my effort:
Hello, you've reached Sergei Lavrov, the foreign minister of the Russian Federation. I'm away from my phone right now, coordinating an investigation into serious human rights abuses that have occurred in Bahrain and Saudi Arabia over the past year. If you wait for the "reset" beep and leave me your name and number, however, I'll be sure to get back to you about how this stuff might need to be raised at the next U.N. Security Council meeting.
Try it yourself -- it's easy and fun!
Out of the Building at the moment
Hello, you've reached Sergei Lavrov, the foreign minister of the Russian Federation. I'm out of the Building at the moment, and currently searching for new employment. For anyone interested in hiring a seasoned skilled diplomat (though I'm sure besides some liberal western universities, and one or two think tanks, you're probably not) my talents include, but not limited too - doing the bidding of dictatorships, playing the guitar, and i speak like four languages. Seriously i speak Sinhala, I'm sure you don't even know what that is, and i speak it! Please, time is running out for me. If any of my many talents intrigue you or your business, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks. BEEP!
Well, his physical location is in Australia at the moment.
He gave an interview on ABC's Lateline which can be watched here:
http://www.abc.net.au/lateline/content/2012/s3420041.htm
1. "[She'll] keep calling me, [she'll] keep calling me until I come over. [She'll] make me feel guilty. This is uh... This is ridiculous, ok I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What - I'LL GO. Shit.
2. "You have reached the Coughlin Brothers Mortuary we're deeply sorry we are unable to come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number we'll GET BACK to you as soon as humanly possible."
3. "Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the [phone] right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further absences [of global significance]. You can reach [Vladimir Putin or Dmitry Rozogin] at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!
-Adapted (but not by much) from Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
"Too busy to talk right now. Trying to buy some Aussie uranium. Syria for the Alawites!"
in homage to Cheech and Choong
[Groggy voice answers]
Hellooo?
[pause for response]
Hillary, Hillary who?
[pause for response]
Hilary's not here man, check the State Department
[pause for response]
[laughter in deep Russian accent]
We are just screwing with you guys. Out joyriding around in Yak 130's before we give them to Syria. Leave a message suckers, beep.....
"Believe it or not Sergei isn't at the Kremlin, please leave a message at the beep! I must be out doing Ex-Soviet things, like smoking American cigarettes and tapping UN telephone conversations or I'd pick up the telefone. Where could this Comrade beeee? Believe it or not I'm massaging Putin's feeeeeeet."
"Hey Bros and Hillary.
"I'm in Australia right now, and unfortunately my phone isn't working. Kevin Rudd pushed me into the pool and now all I can do on it is make Siri say "in Soviet Russia, phone dials you." Which is hilarious, but unhelpful. I'm setting the message from Kevin's phone, but I'm going to be out of touch for a while. So Ivan and Sasha, make sure to Facebook me about the kegger this weekend. And Hillary, I know you and the Security Council wanted to get our resolution done. Man, group projects are so hard to coordinate aren't they? I'm going to be out of town for a while longer, so how about I take a quick look at it when we meet and then veto it if I don't like it?
"Thanks all for understanding! Lavrov out."
Hi, you've reached Sergei Lavrov. I can't come to the phone right now because the last time I did, Clinton called, yelled out "Consider military action!" and hung up. The next day I read on the front page of the NY Times that "Russian diplomats are reportedly considering military action in Syria." Future-President Putin really let me have it for that one, so I'm screening calls. Leave a message and I'll get back to you.
This is Sergei, I can't come to phone right now as I am off in the US, working hard to promote democracy in the face of a corrupt election season. Please leave your name, number and any good suggestions for protest spots during Super Tuesday...thank you tovarich!
We're sorry the number you have dialed has been changed. If you feel you have reached this recording in error please check the number and dial again.
http://youtu.be/qhw3PFyjIrE
"Hi, my name is Peggy. Foreign Minister Lavrov isn't here right now. How may I help you?"
"Hi, if you're calling from under a Saudi tank or a torture cell somewhere in Bahrain, and can't find ambassador Rice anywhere, leave a message with us and we'll be happy to get back to you as soon as we can"
Daniel W. Drezner is professor of international politics at the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy at Tufts University.
Read More
May/June 2013
-
Profile
-
FP Power Map
-
Think Again
Follow us on Twitter | Visit us on Facebook | Follow us on RSS | Subscribe to Foreign Policy
About FP | Meet the Staff | Foreign Editions | Reprint Permissions | Advertising | Writers’ Guidelines | Press Room | Work at FP
Services:Subscription Services | Academic Program | FP Archive | Reprint Permissions | FP Reports and Merchandise | Special Reports | Buy Back Issues
Privacy Policy | Disclaimer | Contact Us
11 DUPONT CIRCLE NW, SUITE 600 | WASHINGTON, DC 20036 | Phone: 202-728-7300 | Fax: 202-728-7342
FOREIGN POLICY is published by the FP Group, a division of The Washington Post Company
All contents ©2013 The Foreign Policy Group, LLC. All rights reserved.
(13)
HIDE COMMENTS LOGIN OR REGISTER REPORT ABUSE